I can tell you first of all I have walked this, lived this..

and on the tail in of that. I’m going to give you a couple of scenarios.. Our oldest son .. brilliant kid….( 31 now) as long as he was in school we did what we could towards a forward motion of that goal…even if it meant he was living with someone…. the minute stupid hit, we cut him off… get a job…. etc….it took him 8 years to finish a 4 year degree… he is great now.. married to a lovely girl… they are responsible with their finances and have great jobs…
Child # 2 is 29.. stupid kicks in with him a bunch… had a great job, got married, got a divorce, lived beyond his means, met a girl, quit his job to move across the state to be with her, couldn’t find a job, she kicked him out…. we gave him the 100.00 to limp back home which he chose his brother instead of us… he had a job interview and we paid for his gas, suit to be pressed and keep his cell phone on during the process… Thankfully he starts his new job as a global IT specialist today and will pay his brother some rent until he gets his own place…. has he learned? I hope so….
Child # 3 was so independent he worked two jobs, was in the military and worked his way through school… doing very well
Child # 4 is in college… he is finishing up his sophomore year so far no stupid so his room and board are covered as his tuition.. but he gets Pell grant money and a couple of small scholarships, he works at the YMCA for his extras, we pay for his car insurance, phone, contacts and send him a couple hundred a month for gas…

Our objective is to gt them through school and we sort of put blinders on to the rest of it… Ex. #2 got caught underage drinking… were we going to foot the lawyer bill…. ummmm no…. so #1 set in a court room for a couple weeks listening to cases similar and then represented #2 by repeating what he had memorized the real lawyers say… the both learned a lesson…. ( God help me)….
Hope this gives you somethings to help you sort the process… it is a really rough time for parents… so much easier when the only thing to worry about was potty training and what bedtime book to read….